A Journey Back to Hope Series: Navigating the Divide with an Open Heart

The past two months have been an emotional whirlwind for me—packing, moving, selling my property in New Hampshire, liquidating one of my businesses, traveling to Canada and then across the US for several business events and finally landing in Florida to spend some time with my eighty-eight year old Dad.

Oh, and the election!

I’m acutely aware of the shift in energy that surrounds me here in Florida compared to the energy of my northern New Hampshire town. The truth is, it doesn't matter where any of us are, many of us are finding ourselves especially sensitive to the post election dynamics happening all over our country.

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things. As I walked through the unfamiliar aisles in my Dad's community, I found myself in a sea of red MAGA hats. I was immediately overwhelmed. I felt a wave of anger and disgust come over me. I didn’t see the individual human beings beneath those hats—I only felt the sharp sting of the symbols they chose to display. It was a like a neon sign telling me who they are, how they think and how they choose to show up in the world. Divided with no interest in connecting with anything but their own beliefs and displaying their, offensive to me, symbols. It was jarring and took me by surprise. I had to stop, take a deep breath, and ground myself. Wait, was it really a sea of MAGA or was it just a couple of hats? In the moment, it really didn't matter. I was triggered and my nervous system was doing it's adrenalin thing. 

As I stood there, trying to calm down and catch my breath, I noticed a young man crouched on the floor next to me stocking the lower shelves. His energy seemed light and kind. He looked up and asked, “How are you today, Ma’am?” It was a lifeline. Without thinking, I blurted out, “I would be much better if I wasn’t surrounded by so many MAGA hats!” He paused for a moment, then responded softly, “Yup, there is a lot of that around here. You'll get used to it. I know I had to.” "I don't get it," I responded. "Neither do" I, he replied.

His words and the quiet empathy behind them took me back to my years working with teens and young adults, listening to their private confessions about the adults in their lives and the disconnect, even dissonance they often felt with them. I can't tell you the number of conversations I've had with young people since 2016 who struggled with the fact that their parents and grandparents could actually support a bully who, if he behaved like that in school, would get detention or even suspended. 

I can't tell you how many times through this election cycle I heard or read, "I don't like his behavior. It's his policies that I'm voting for." And every time, all I could think was, do you really care more about money and your beliefs than you do about honesty, integrity, values and the example you are setting for our youth and the foundation you are laying for future generations? And I couldn't help but wonder where they got the information upon which they would cast their vote. 

In that brief exchange with that young grocery clerk, I was reminded that while the outer symbols can feel overwhelming and trigger an automatic physical and emotional response, there’s always a deeper current beneath—one that’s not always visible but is palpable. It carries a bit of hope and might provide a moment of solace at a time when we need it most.

Also, during this election cycle, I have definitely become more judgmental. I see a symbol, like a hat or a lawn sign or a flag, and I immediately cast judgment about the people behind the symbol. In time, I often get to a point where I can find empathy, compassion, understanding and acceptance. However, right now, I am simply not there.

Reflection Questions

• What symbols or outward appearances trigger strong emotions for you and why?
• Have you ever found yourself reacting strongly to the symbols or outward appearances in a public space? What did you notice about your internal response?
• In moments of discomfort or disconnection, what helps you ground yourself and find common humanity?

​Scroll down to leave a comment with your thoughts or share any similar experiences and how you dealt with the challenge. 

​PS If you're interested in the breathing technique I use to find calm when I get triggered, you can download it here. It's based on a Heart Math Institute technique called Quick Coherence Heart Breathing. It takes a bit of practice, but once you've got it, you can calm down in just one breath!

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