A Journey Back to Hope Series: Setting Boundaries for Self-Care

In the spirit of reclaiming our peace and healing our hearts, I've found myself drawing some firm boundaries lately. It’s not something I take lightly, but it feels necessary, like pulling a splinter from my skin before it festers.

​I'm currently staying with my Dad. He's 88 and spends quite a lot of time watching news and scrolling online for the latest about what Trump is saying and doing, who he is selecting for his cabinet, etc. Prior to the election, I didn't mind sitting with him over morning coffee or at the end of the day, catching up on what was happening. We both took a hiatus from the news after the election, but he’s easing back into watching the all day new cycle. I just can't. I had to set a clear boundary with him. “I’m sorry Dad, I cannot start my day with you, drinking coffee while watching the morning news. I can agree to watch only a half hour with you later in the afternoon to see what the President elect is up to, but that is my hard limit," I declared. "I get it," he said. "I've made a list of things I would rather be doing than hearing about the chaos that is happening. He's not even President yet and the chaos is back. I can agree to a half hour of news in the afternoon. I'm going to spend more time finishing up a few projects and going for more walks."

It’s not personal. It’s about me and what I need right now. And I was shocked that my Dad is building new habits to replace old ones that fuel the anxiety that many of us are feeling.

I’ve also been blocking Facebook contacts who show any signs of supporting or justifying ideologies that I fundamentally disagree with—MAGA, Trump, the Fox News echo chamber. I refused to engage with people who I know don’t see things the way I do right now. It's not about having differing opinions. It's about cores values for me.

Some might say this sounds intolerant. Many don't understand. Some condemn the practice of blocking contacts as childish. I see it differently. It’s not about taking away someone's right to have their own opinion. It’s about honoring my needs, living according to my values and protecting my personal environments, which includes social media spaces.

I live my life through the lens of values, a practice I've deepened through the work I've done with the Barrett Values Centre. I believe we all operate based on our core values, consciously or unconsciously. I find Richard Barrett’s article on Trump’s values fascinating. When I put my values plot next to Trump’s (see below), it’s no wonder I am not aligned with him or his leadership style. When I think about the election results based on values, it is clear that half the nation is in survival mode and values their money and security before they value the human rights of others.

Additionally, as someone who has been immersed in helping others process trauma, I can't help but wonder if there is some sort of  trauma bond between Trump and his loyalists, but that's another topic for another day. 

For now, my own heart is tender and in need of healing, making it necessary for me to set firm boundaries. For me, blocking someone on social media isn’t about being divisive, or childish, or woke, or intolerant—though call me those things if you wish. It’s about self-compassion. It’s about creating safe space for myself. I’m intentionally choosing to let love guide my interactions and to keep fear at bay. It’s not a lack of compassion for others; it’s an act of deep self-love and extreme self-care.

I can respect people’s right to their own opinions and perspectives. I can honor that their journey has led them to their beliefs and values. But I can also choose not to engage with the energy that disrupts my peace or clouds my clarity. We can value others' opinions without embracing their values or giving them a front-row seat in our lives. It’s okay to take a step back, to draw a line, and to protect our heart, especially when it’s healing.

Reflection Questions

• Where in your life could you benefit from setting clearer boundaries to protect your peace?
• How do you feel when you encounter opinions or perspectives that clash with your core values? Can you separate respect for the person from the need to engage with their views?
• What small acts of self-compassion can you practice today to honor your heart’s needs?

Suggestions for Ways to Set Boundaries in the Post-Election Period

• Curate Your Social Media: Unfollow, mute, or block accounts that consistently share content that triggers stress or anxiety. This is about safeguarding your mental health.
• Limit Your News Intake: Choose a specific time of day to check the news, and stick to reputable sources. Avoid doom-scrolling and give yourself permission to take a break from the constant stream of updates.
• Politely Decline Conversations: It’s okay to say, “I’m not in the space to discuss this right now.” You don’t have to engage in every debate.
• Create a Buffer Zone: Set aside time each day for a self-soothing ritual—heart-breathing, a walk outside, or a moment of gratitude. It helps to reset and replenish your spirit.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself if you find that certain interactions have left you feeling raw or unsettled. You are allowed to honor your needs, especially during emotionally charged times.
• Reach Out to Like-Minded Others: Know that there are many of us who are thinking, feeling, experiencing similar things right now. Connecting with like-minded others can be the perfect prescription to get through another day. 

As we navigate this tender time, let’s remember: It’s okay to protect your heart. It’s okay to choose love over fear. And it’s okay to take care of yourself first, even if it means stepping back from certain connections or conversations.
We are all on a journey back to hope, and it begins with loving ourselves enough to set the boundaries we need, no matter what anyone else thinks.

Here’s to a weekend of self-compassion, self-love, and a little more peace. 🌱💖

Just for reference, below is a Personal Values Assessment plot graph for Trump and for me. Clearly they are quite different. Richard Barrett's body of work around values is fascinating and teaches us a lot about who we are, what we do and how we function in life and in all our environments. If you're interested in exploring your own values to help understand why you might be feeling the way you're feeling, no matter where you stand on the political spectrum, email me here and I will connect you to resources.

---

Trump's Personal Values Assessment according to Richard Barrett

My Personal Values Assessment