How We Keep Ourselves Stuck: The Small Behaviors That Trap Us

The other day, I had a heartfelt conversation with a friend who’s been struggling with a difficult life situation. At one point, he said something that stopped me in my tracks:

“It feels like my feet are stuck in cement.”

I felt the weight of that image immediately. You know where you want to go. You can see the benefits of getting there. But no matter how hard you try, you just can’t lift your feet and move forward.
As we kept talking, I found myself reflecting on the metaphor itself and something powerful came into focus.

The Truth About Cement
Cement, on its own, is just dry, dusty powder. You can brush it away with your hand. You can sweep it up. You can walk through it without much effort. You can even blow it out of the way.
It only becomes hard, heavy, and fixed when you add water. Without water, there’s no stuckness. No weight. No hardened trap.
It’s adding water that transforms the loose material into something rigid and immovable. And that’s when I realized: we are the ones adding the water.

Where Are You Adding Water?
As my friend stayed focused on how stuck he was, I gently asked him:
“In what ways are you adding water?”
It’s a question I invite you to ask yourself, too.
We all carry dry cement in our lives:

• Past hurts
• Old stories
• Disappointments
• Unfinished dreams

But those things alone don’t trap us. They’re just dust.
It’s the water we add — the behaviors we repeat, the patterns we reinforce, the choices we cling to, the routines we stick to — that turns the dust into the cement that keeps us stuck.

Common Behaviors That Add Water to the Cement
Here are some of the ways we unknowingly add water to our own cement:

1) Replaying the Same Old Stories
We tell ourselves (and others) the same narratives:
“I’m afraid of what’s next.”
“This always happens to me.”
“I never get what I want.”
“They hurt me, and I can’t move past it.”
“It’s just the way it is, and I have to live with it.”
Every retelling is another cup of water poured onto the dry powder.

2) Overthinking and Ruminating
We spiral in our own minds, turning things over and over a thousand times, hoping to find clarity or closure that never comes. Each time we overthink or ruminate, we soak the powder and create more cement.

3) Procrastination and Avoidance
We delay the uncomfortable thing — having the conversation, making the decision, taking the risk, setting the boundary. We tell ourselves we’ll deal with it later. We might even escape into work, or alcohol, or whatever else we do or wherever we go when we don't want to deal with something that needs to be dealt with. The truth is, every delay is like a steady drip of water onto the cement.

4) Negative Self-TalkWe reinforce limiting beliefs:
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’ll never change.”
“Who am I to think I can do this on my own?”
“I’m afraid of what might happen to me.”
These aren’t just harmless thoughts; they’re emotional water, actively mixing the cement that keeps us stuck.

5) Blaming or Complaining About Others
We give away our power by focusing on what others did or didn’t do. Blame or complaining pours fresh resentment into the mix, keeping the cement wet and heavy.

6) Repeating the Same Thing Instead of Taking New Action
Staying immersed in old routines that don’t reflect the life you want to create is like turning on the water to fill a bathtub already packed with dry powder. It’s been there all along. It's familiar. It seems like the easier route. But the truth is, repeating old patterns that are not in line with the life you would like to create is like adding water and burying yourself in cement.

Interrupting the Mix
Here’s the truth: you don’t have to erase the past to get unstuck! You just have to stop adding water.

When you stop replaying the story…
When you stop looping the old patterns…
When you stop repeating old routines…
When you stop blaming, complaining, or avoiding…

You interrupt the mix. Over time, the hardened places soften and crack. And without new water added, the dust stays dry, loose, and can be easily swept away.

What This Looked Like for My Friend
When I first asked my friend where he was adding water to create the cement that had him stuck, he couldn’t see it. I offered to give him some feedback about where I saw him adding water. To his credit, he accepted my offer.

It was difficult not to jump into full-blown coaching mode, because offering help is second nature to me. But I knew what he needed most was gentle, honest reflection. The truth is, honest feedback can be hard to receive, but it’s extremely valuable. To his credit, he took in the feedback graciously.

What This Looked Like for Me
In my own life, I’ve seen this play out so many times. You’ve probably heard the saying: insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. At times in my life — particularly around relationships — I’ve been a master of insanity.

Looking at it through the lens of water on dry cement has helped me see what I have been doing and what I can do differently to create different results and stay unstuck.

I excused bad behavior.
I told myself stories.
I repeated routines.
I didn’t hold firm boundaries.
I've allowed myself to escalate into anger.

All of these are my water and have created the cement that keeps me stuck. And I was mixing it myself.
The moment I saw that, everything shifted. I realized I could stop adding water in any given moment. I could let the old dust stay where it was, un-mixed, and step forward into a freer, lighter life.

Reflection for You
So, I invite you to consider:

• Where in your life are you feeling stuck?
• What dry cement are you standing in?
• More importantly, how are you adding water to it, day after day?
• What small choice could you make today to stop pouring water into the mix?

You don’t need to fix everything at once.
You just need to stop the drip.

You Are Not Cemented In Forever
We don’t become free by erasing our past or pretending the dust isn’t there. We become free by noticing how we’re actively mixing the thing that keeps us stuck. We become free by making a new choice, again and again, to stop adding water to the mix.

You are not cemented in forever.
You are powerful.
You are aware.

The moment you choose even one small step to stop adding your water to the mix, you begin to get unstuck are on the path to reclaiming your freedom.

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