It began like any other day in the bustling corridors of one of the middle schools where I had the privilege of teaching a two week unit on sexuality education. Yet, that morning in 2019, an unexpected disturbance rippled through the morning routine, leaving an indelible mark on my consciousness.
As I entered the classroom, I found my co-teacher visibly unsettled by something she had encountered at home while getting ready for school that morning. It wasn't typical for either of us to start our days streaming breaking news; we were both inclined to start our day in quiet meditation preparing to deal with high energy middle school students and do our best to carry that energy into the classroom. However, this morning, the air crackled with tension.
When I asked her what was up, she shared that she saw a snippet from the national news when she poked her head into the home gym where her husband was working out and watching the news. Just a few seconds of video had pierced through her meditative state, thrusting her into the tumultuous realm of political discourse. President Trump was on national news and had called congressman Adam Schiff a "pencil neck”. It didn't end there. He continued to put him down in front of a crowd of adults who stood behind Trump laughing and clapping in support of his insults. The snippet had ignited a firestorm of emotion within my colleague. Her frustration, bordering on outrage, stemmed not only from the Trump's behavior but also from the stark contrast it presented against our efforts to instill values of respect and empathy within our student community.
As educators, we tread a delicate balance, striving to nurture young minds while shielding them from the toxicity of divisive rhetoric. Yet, in that moment, it became painfully clear that the boundaries between the political arena and our classroom were porous, with implications far-reaching and profound. My colleague's impassioned state resonated with me deeply, prompting a period of introspection that would shape the trajectory of what happened next in that classroom over 5 years ago and why I'm writing this today. For, you see, beneath the veneer of political debate lies a more profound truth: the undeniable influence of adult behavior on the moral compass of our children.
In the classroom, where young minds come together to explore the complexities of the human experience, I bore witness to the subtle yet profound ways in which parental views and adult behavior seep into the fabric of our children's worldview. With over twenty five years of classroom experience, I have grown increasingly aware of the weight of our collective responsibility as parents, educators, family and community, in shaping the values and attitudes that will guide future generations. As we stand on the precipice of yet another pivotal election, the echoes of one specific classroom experience, prompted by the President calling another human being a derogatory name, reverberate within me.
I’ve thought twice about sharing this story publically. I'm not sure why. But, in the final analysis, our allegiance lies not merely with political factions or ideologies but with the enduring welfare of our young people who look to us for guidance and inspiration.
So with future generations in mind, here’s what happened in that classroom.
The teacher did a daily starting activity. She would present a current event, a quote or a story and have the students reflect on it. She would then ask them to write their reflections in their journals for a minute or so. Then she would ask them to share their thoughts and insights with the class. This start-up acgtivity was a wonderful way to engage them, challenge them to form their opinions, notice their own thoughts and practice sharing them with others. That day, she wanted to present the scenario at the rally with Trump putting down Schiff and with the crowd of adults cheering, laughing and clapping. She wanted to see what the kids thought about it relative to the new bullying/harrassment policy that had been implemented.
Before the conversation began, she and I had a discussion about what might happen. My guess was that we could open a can of worms and trigger something that could lead to a challenging situation. I left it up to her. It was her classroom and I was a guest. She knew school policy and what she was willing to do in class. We both knew that health was one of those classes that covered lots of challenging topics and we were quite used to handling whatever came up. I feel comfortable with any topic, after all, I teach puberty and sex education to elementary, middle and high school students all day long. I was quite sure we could handle whatever happened in the classroom as a result of the activity. She decided to go forward.
She began the conversation by reminding the kids of the school's policy on bullying and harassment. She asked how many kids had seen or heard the incident she had seen on the news. About 1/3 of the kids raised their hands. She asked what they thought about the behavior relative to the school policy. What happened next was fascinating.
The kids blurted things out.
"That was not okay!"
"That was bullying."
"He would have to go to the principal's office if he did that here!"
"He would get detention!”
"How come he can do it but we get in trouble in school for calling people names?"
"My mom says he's a narcissist and that's why he does stupid things like that."
"Yeah, how come adults can call people names? I can't when I come to school, but my parents do it all the time at home!"
The kids continued to blurt out their statements, forgetting to raise their hands. I noticed one kid sitting in the back corner of the room with his hand raised. I had never heard him speak in the week I had been in class. While the other kids blurted, he patiently held up his hand. I quieted the kids down and called on him to share.
"To be honest, I'm kind of scared," he said.
"Can you tell me more about what you're scared about?" I asked.
"I'm not sure but something is just not right. He is our president and he doesn't act like someone who should be president."
I asked the kids if anyone else had anything to share about what this kid just shared.
"I don't understand why my parents like the President. He's mean."
"I feel confused."
"I'm scared too. If he's the boss of our country, what's going to happen?"
"When we have a bully in school, there is sometimes a fight. Is he going to get in a fight with someone or another country?"
I was surprised that the kids were sharing so openly and candidly about their fears. I was taken by the connection they made between Trump's behavior and what happens when bullying and fights occur in school. It was also interesting to hear them try to reconcile their parents' support of a man that, in their eyes, was mean to others. Young teenagers aren’t always able to make that sort of connection and put it into words. As I witnessed it, I couldn't help but wonder if them making the connection had anything to do with the constant media coverage playing in the background of many households and the subconscious impact that might be having on kids. Although a fascinating theory to explore, I brought my attention back to the classroom.
When you talk with kids about sexuality, they often ask questions about other sensitive topics that they may be curious about or need help navigating in their own lives. I redirected the discussion and tried to put it into some context of what we had already talked about in class. In the previous week of class, we had touched on mental health and the importance of having support systems in our lives. I got an intuitive hit to frame the discussion about fear on some things we had already talked about and some things they had already shared about their own lives.
"So remember last week when we talked about mental health? Well, by a show of hands and without mentioning any names or saying any words, how many of you have ever heard about someone being diagnosed with depression?" Most all of the kids raised their hands. "How many of you have ever heard of someone being diagnosed with anxiety disorder?" About 3/4 of the kids raised their hands. "What about bipolar disorder?" About 20 percent of the kids raised their hands. "Does anyone know what all those things are an example of?" "Mental illness!" one student blurted out. "That is correct," I answered.
I went on to explain how clinicians diagnose these mental illnesses and cited one source of diagnostic criteria, the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) which is a tool some clinicians use as a pathway for diagnosing mental illness. I reminded the kids that anyone with a mental health diagnosis typically has friends, family, coworkers, doctors, counselors and a support system to help them when they're struggling.
And then I said something I never, ever could have prepared for. The question slipped out of my mouth before I had a chance to stop it. Sometimes I'm guided to say something I never planned to say. It was out before I knew it.
”How many of you have ever heard of narcissistic personality disorder?" A few kids raised their hand, including the girl who previously blurted out that her mom had called Trump a narcissist. I proceeded to explain that there are some people who suspect that our president may have narcissistic personality disorder as he displays many of the characteristics of NPD on national TV. I stated that only a psychiatrist can diagnose him and that TV is not a way someone gets diagnosed, however, TV has been showing us some things that are concerning to some. I also reminded them of confidentiality when dealing with medical issues, another topic we talk about in class. I told them that I felt confident that there are a lot of people in Trump’s support system and who work close to him that are aware there might be a problem and they are supporting him, making sure he is okay and that we are all safe. The same as when someone we know is showing signs of a mental illness in our own family or community and needs some extra support.
I tied it all back to bullying and the idea that a bully usually has a reason in their own life that makes them act like a bully. Maybe it's the way they were brought up. Maybe it's a mental illness. Maybe it's something else. But that basically people are kind and help each other and that sometimes we have to see beyond the mean behavior to see the good in the person, while also holding them accountable for their behavior. “Like detention? Is that sort of like being held accountable?” “Yes!” I said as I remembered how much I love witnessing the adolescent brain making connections.
The tone in the room shifted from one of fear, chaos, and confusion to one of understanding and compassion. The kids were ready to move on, and so were we. I exchanged glances with my co-teacher, took a deep breath and moved on to the sexuality curriculum.
At the end of the day, we both spoke to our supervisors to be sure they were aware of what had happened in class, just in case there were any repercussions. I didn't think there would be, but if there were, it would be headline news. What I've learned about working with teens is that at a certain age, they stop sharing everything about their day with their parents. They are busy integrating endless stimulation, growing their bodies, developing new neural pathways while worrying about what their peers think of them. It's simply part of their developmental process. There were no repercussions, however, I have thought of that class quite often as the political discourse ramps up and I see adults acting in ways that would get them detention if they were in middle or high school. So here I am sharing this story publicly
My Thoughts
I have to be honest. I definitely have had and continue to have my concerns that Trump displays such blatant and dangerous narcissistic behaviors without any significant accountability. Like that kid sitting in the corner with his hand raised waiting patiently to be called on, I too find myself sometimes feeling afraid.
Trumps public behavior is unacceptable. Trump has had and continues to hae an impact on our children. Parents who support Trump are having an impact on their kids. We have seen that translate into inappropriate behaviors in the classroom and widespread permission to act out violently in a our schools and throughout our society.
All that said, I have faith in our kids. They intuitively feel right through the rhetoric and seek to reconcile the meanness, the name-calling, the bullying with what they inherently know in their nature and what they are learning about acceptable behavior.
A Profound Sense of Urgency
As I flashback to that classroom that happened over 5 years ago, and fast forward to the reality of present day, I am left with a profound sense of urgency. The impact of our leaders on our children cannot be overstated, nor can the responsibility we bear as parents, educators, citizens and communities to navigate this tumultuous terrain with wisdom, compassion and personal responsibility for our own behavior.
Trump's behavior is unacceptable; regardless of his policies.
As we approach another pivotal election, let us heed the voices of our children, who speak not from a place of political partisanship but from a primal instinct for justice and empathy. Let us honor their fears and uncertainties, recognizing that our actions today will shape the world they inherit tomorrow.
It is incumbent upon us to foster an environment of open dialogue and critical thinking, where our children feel empowered to question authority, challenge injustice, and embrace the inherent dignity of every human being.
It is my hope that we will rise to the challenge of nurturing a generation of compassionate leaders, grounded in the values of integrity, empathy, and respect. For in their hands lies the promise of a brighter future, where the echoes of division and discord are drowned out by the resounding chorus of unity, compassion, mutual respect and understanding.
Afterword
As I reflect on all of this, I am reminded of a fundamental truth: our children are always watching, always listening, always taking it in. Whether it's the snippets of conversation overheard at the dinner table or the images flickering across the television screen, they are absorbing every nuance, every contradiction, every inconsistency in their surroundings.
Their real-world experiences are a mosaic of interactions—with peers, teachers, mentors, and yes, even with the wider world of politics. And as they navigate this complex tapestry of influences, they do so with an inherent, intuitive sense of right and wrong, grappling with the challenge of choosing their foundational values and deciding about the kind of adult they want to become.
In this sometimes tumultuous journey, they rely on us, the adults in their lives, to provide guidance, support, and above all, integrity.
It is with a heavy heart that I observe how some Trump supporters, in their zeal to champion certain policies, are willing to overlook the glaring character flaws of the man himself. But let us not be deceived: the presidency is not merely about policies; it is about integrity, accountability, and the embodiment of positive character and moral leadership.
As the highest office in the land, the President of the United States serves as a role model for children everywhere, a beacon of hope and inspiration for future generations. And in this regard, I implore Trump supporters to consider the message they are sending to our youth—a message that prioritizes expediency over ethics, partisanship over principle.
It is not enough to justify poor behavior with political pragmatism; we must hold our leaders to the highest standards of integrity and moral courage. For our children are watching, and they deserve leaders who embody the values of honesty, empathy, and accountability.
My Invitation
As we prepare for the upcoming election and express our thoughts, opinions and, perhaps, frustration in our homes, our workplaces, our communities and on our social media platforms, I invite you to consider that our kids are always watching.
Let us heed their innate wisdom and understanding of fairness and justice.
Let us nurture an environment where they feel empowered to question opinions, to challenge beliefs, to make sense of inconsistencies and to uphold the principles of integrity that form the bedrock of our society.
Let us each take personal responsibility for what we say, what do and how we say and do it.
Let us remember that this is about way more than the stock market, the economy, the border wall, women's health and all the other "kitchen table" issues the campaigns are focused on. This is about raising our kids to be the best human beings they can be, while sparing them the pain of having to sort out the inconsistencies in the messaging they are receiving from the adults in their lives who love them.
For in their hands lies the promise of a brighter tomorrow—a tomorrow where integrity triumphs over pragmatism, and where our leaders lead not only with authority but with authenticity.
Let us rise to this challenge, for the sake of our children and the future they will inherit from us and create for themselves.
As I entered the classroom, I found my co-teacher visibly unsettled by something she had encountered at home while getting ready for school that morning. It wasn't typical for either of us to start our days streaming breaking news; we were both inclined to start our day in quiet meditation preparing to deal with high energy middle school students and do our best to carry that energy into the classroom. However, this morning, the air crackled with tension.
When I asked her what was up, she shared that she saw a snippet from the national news when she poked her head into the home gym where her husband was working out and watching the news. Just a few seconds of video had pierced through her meditative state, thrusting her into the tumultuous realm of political discourse. President Trump was on national news and had called congressman Adam Schiff a "pencil neck”. It didn't end there. He continued to put him down in front of a crowd of adults who stood behind Trump laughing and clapping in support of his insults. The snippet had ignited a firestorm of emotion within my colleague. Her frustration, bordering on outrage, stemmed not only from the Trump's behavior but also from the stark contrast it presented against our efforts to instill values of respect and empathy within our student community.
As educators, we tread a delicate balance, striving to nurture young minds while shielding them from the toxicity of divisive rhetoric. Yet, in that moment, it became painfully clear that the boundaries between the political arena and our classroom were porous, with implications far-reaching and profound. My colleague's impassioned state resonated with me deeply, prompting a period of introspection that would shape the trajectory of what happened next in that classroom over 5 years ago and why I'm writing this today. For, you see, beneath the veneer of political debate lies a more profound truth: the undeniable influence of adult behavior on the moral compass of our children.
In the classroom, where young minds come together to explore the complexities of the human experience, I bore witness to the subtle yet profound ways in which parental views and adult behavior seep into the fabric of our children's worldview. With over twenty five years of classroom experience, I have grown increasingly aware of the weight of our collective responsibility as parents, educators, family and community, in shaping the values and attitudes that will guide future generations. As we stand on the precipice of yet another pivotal election, the echoes of one specific classroom experience, prompted by the President calling another human being a derogatory name, reverberate within me.
I’ve thought twice about sharing this story publically. I'm not sure why. But, in the final analysis, our allegiance lies not merely with political factions or ideologies but with the enduring welfare of our young people who look to us for guidance and inspiration.
So with future generations in mind, here’s what happened in that classroom.
The teacher did a daily starting activity. She would present a current event, a quote or a story and have the students reflect on it. She would then ask them to write their reflections in their journals for a minute or so. Then she would ask them to share their thoughts and insights with the class. This start-up acgtivity was a wonderful way to engage them, challenge them to form their opinions, notice their own thoughts and practice sharing them with others. That day, she wanted to present the scenario at the rally with Trump putting down Schiff and with the crowd of adults cheering, laughing and clapping. She wanted to see what the kids thought about it relative to the new bullying/harrassment policy that had been implemented.
Before the conversation began, she and I had a discussion about what might happen. My guess was that we could open a can of worms and trigger something that could lead to a challenging situation. I left it up to her. It was her classroom and I was a guest. She knew school policy and what she was willing to do in class. We both knew that health was one of those classes that covered lots of challenging topics and we were quite used to handling whatever came up. I feel comfortable with any topic, after all, I teach puberty and sex education to elementary, middle and high school students all day long. I was quite sure we could handle whatever happened in the classroom as a result of the activity. She decided to go forward.
She began the conversation by reminding the kids of the school's policy on bullying and harassment. She asked how many kids had seen or heard the incident she had seen on the news. About 1/3 of the kids raised their hands. She asked what they thought about the behavior relative to the school policy. What happened next was fascinating.
The kids blurted things out.
"That was not okay!"
"That was bullying."
"He would have to go to the principal's office if he did that here!"
"He would get detention!”
"How come he can do it but we get in trouble in school for calling people names?"
"My mom says he's a narcissist and that's why he does stupid things like that."
"Yeah, how come adults can call people names? I can't when I come to school, but my parents do it all the time at home!"
The kids continued to blurt out their statements, forgetting to raise their hands. I noticed one kid sitting in the back corner of the room with his hand raised. I had never heard him speak in the week I had been in class. While the other kids blurted, he patiently held up his hand. I quieted the kids down and called on him to share.
"To be honest, I'm kind of scared," he said.
"Can you tell me more about what you're scared about?" I asked.
"I'm not sure but something is just not right. He is our president and he doesn't act like someone who should be president."
I asked the kids if anyone else had anything to share about what this kid just shared.
"I don't understand why my parents like the President. He's mean."
"I feel confused."
"I'm scared too. If he's the boss of our country, what's going to happen?"
"When we have a bully in school, there is sometimes a fight. Is he going to get in a fight with someone or another country?"
I was surprised that the kids were sharing so openly and candidly about their fears. I was taken by the connection they made between Trump's behavior and what happens when bullying and fights occur in school. It was also interesting to hear them try to reconcile their parents' support of a man that, in their eyes, was mean to others. Young teenagers aren’t always able to make that sort of connection and put it into words. As I witnessed it, I couldn't help but wonder if them making the connection had anything to do with the constant media coverage playing in the background of many households and the subconscious impact that might be having on kids. Although a fascinating theory to explore, I brought my attention back to the classroom.
When you talk with kids about sexuality, they often ask questions about other sensitive topics that they may be curious about or need help navigating in their own lives. I redirected the discussion and tried to put it into some context of what we had already talked about in class. In the previous week of class, we had touched on mental health and the importance of having support systems in our lives. I got an intuitive hit to frame the discussion about fear on some things we had already talked about and some things they had already shared about their own lives.
"So remember last week when we talked about mental health? Well, by a show of hands and without mentioning any names or saying any words, how many of you have ever heard about someone being diagnosed with depression?" Most all of the kids raised their hands. "How many of you have ever heard of someone being diagnosed with anxiety disorder?" About 3/4 of the kids raised their hands. "What about bipolar disorder?" About 20 percent of the kids raised their hands. "Does anyone know what all those things are an example of?" "Mental illness!" one student blurted out. "That is correct," I answered.
I went on to explain how clinicians diagnose these mental illnesses and cited one source of diagnostic criteria, the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) which is a tool some clinicians use as a pathway for diagnosing mental illness. I reminded the kids that anyone with a mental health diagnosis typically has friends, family, coworkers, doctors, counselors and a support system to help them when they're struggling.
And then I said something I never, ever could have prepared for. The question slipped out of my mouth before I had a chance to stop it. Sometimes I'm guided to say something I never planned to say. It was out before I knew it.
”How many of you have ever heard of narcissistic personality disorder?" A few kids raised their hand, including the girl who previously blurted out that her mom had called Trump a narcissist. I proceeded to explain that there are some people who suspect that our president may have narcissistic personality disorder as he displays many of the characteristics of NPD on national TV. I stated that only a psychiatrist can diagnose him and that TV is not a way someone gets diagnosed, however, TV has been showing us some things that are concerning to some. I also reminded them of confidentiality when dealing with medical issues, another topic we talk about in class. I told them that I felt confident that there are a lot of people in Trump’s support system and who work close to him that are aware there might be a problem and they are supporting him, making sure he is okay and that we are all safe. The same as when someone we know is showing signs of a mental illness in our own family or community and needs some extra support.
I tied it all back to bullying and the idea that a bully usually has a reason in their own life that makes them act like a bully. Maybe it's the way they were brought up. Maybe it's a mental illness. Maybe it's something else. But that basically people are kind and help each other and that sometimes we have to see beyond the mean behavior to see the good in the person, while also holding them accountable for their behavior. “Like detention? Is that sort of like being held accountable?” “Yes!” I said as I remembered how much I love witnessing the adolescent brain making connections.
The tone in the room shifted from one of fear, chaos, and confusion to one of understanding and compassion. The kids were ready to move on, and so were we. I exchanged glances with my co-teacher, took a deep breath and moved on to the sexuality curriculum.
At the end of the day, we both spoke to our supervisors to be sure they were aware of what had happened in class, just in case there were any repercussions. I didn't think there would be, but if there were, it would be headline news. What I've learned about working with teens is that at a certain age, they stop sharing everything about their day with their parents. They are busy integrating endless stimulation, growing their bodies, developing new neural pathways while worrying about what their peers think of them. It's simply part of their developmental process. There were no repercussions, however, I have thought of that class quite often as the political discourse ramps up and I see adults acting in ways that would get them detention if they were in middle or high school. So here I am sharing this story publicly
My Thoughts
I have to be honest. I definitely have had and continue to have my concerns that Trump displays such blatant and dangerous narcissistic behaviors without any significant accountability. Like that kid sitting in the corner with his hand raised waiting patiently to be called on, I too find myself sometimes feeling afraid.
Trumps public behavior is unacceptable. Trump has had and continues to hae an impact on our children. Parents who support Trump are having an impact on their kids. We have seen that translate into inappropriate behaviors in the classroom and widespread permission to act out violently in a our schools and throughout our society.
All that said, I have faith in our kids. They intuitively feel right through the rhetoric and seek to reconcile the meanness, the name-calling, the bullying with what they inherently know in their nature and what they are learning about acceptable behavior.
A Profound Sense of Urgency
As I flashback to that classroom that happened over 5 years ago, and fast forward to the reality of present day, I am left with a profound sense of urgency. The impact of our leaders on our children cannot be overstated, nor can the responsibility we bear as parents, educators, citizens and communities to navigate this tumultuous terrain with wisdom, compassion and personal responsibility for our own behavior.
Trump's behavior is unacceptable; regardless of his policies.
As we approach another pivotal election, let us heed the voices of our children, who speak not from a place of political partisanship but from a primal instinct for justice and empathy. Let us honor their fears and uncertainties, recognizing that our actions today will shape the world they inherit tomorrow.
It is incumbent upon us to foster an environment of open dialogue and critical thinking, where our children feel empowered to question authority, challenge injustice, and embrace the inherent dignity of every human being.
It is my hope that we will rise to the challenge of nurturing a generation of compassionate leaders, grounded in the values of integrity, empathy, and respect. For in their hands lies the promise of a brighter future, where the echoes of division and discord are drowned out by the resounding chorus of unity, compassion, mutual respect and understanding.
Afterword
As I reflect on all of this, I am reminded of a fundamental truth: our children are always watching, always listening, always taking it in. Whether it's the snippets of conversation overheard at the dinner table or the images flickering across the television screen, they are absorbing every nuance, every contradiction, every inconsistency in their surroundings.
Their real-world experiences are a mosaic of interactions—with peers, teachers, mentors, and yes, even with the wider world of politics. And as they navigate this complex tapestry of influences, they do so with an inherent, intuitive sense of right and wrong, grappling with the challenge of choosing their foundational values and deciding about the kind of adult they want to become.
In this sometimes tumultuous journey, they rely on us, the adults in their lives, to provide guidance, support, and above all, integrity.
It is with a heavy heart that I observe how some Trump supporters, in their zeal to champion certain policies, are willing to overlook the glaring character flaws of the man himself. But let us not be deceived: the presidency is not merely about policies; it is about integrity, accountability, and the embodiment of positive character and moral leadership.
As the highest office in the land, the President of the United States serves as a role model for children everywhere, a beacon of hope and inspiration for future generations. And in this regard, I implore Trump supporters to consider the message they are sending to our youth—a message that prioritizes expediency over ethics, partisanship over principle.
It is not enough to justify poor behavior with political pragmatism; we must hold our leaders to the highest standards of integrity and moral courage. For our children are watching, and they deserve leaders who embody the values of honesty, empathy, and accountability.
My Invitation
As we prepare for the upcoming election and express our thoughts, opinions and, perhaps, frustration in our homes, our workplaces, our communities and on our social media platforms, I invite you to consider that our kids are always watching.
Let us heed their innate wisdom and understanding of fairness and justice.
Let us nurture an environment where they feel empowered to question opinions, to challenge beliefs, to make sense of inconsistencies and to uphold the principles of integrity that form the bedrock of our society.
Let us each take personal responsibility for what we say, what do and how we say and do it.
Let us remember that this is about way more than the stock market, the economy, the border wall, women's health and all the other "kitchen table" issues the campaigns are focused on. This is about raising our kids to be the best human beings they can be, while sparing them the pain of having to sort out the inconsistencies in the messaging they are receiving from the adults in their lives who love them.
For in their hands lies the promise of a brighter tomorrow—a tomorrow where integrity triumphs over pragmatism, and where our leaders lead not only with authority but with authenticity.
Let us rise to this challenge, for the sake of our children and the future they will inherit from us and create for themselves.
