Before I boarded the plane to Newport Beach, California, I was home in New Hampshire immersed in wrapping up a very busy summer season at my property, Ripple on Silver Lake. Between short terms VRBO guests that flowed steadily through Columbus Day, the comings and goings of my travel nurses in the main house and the new energy brought into the house by the Ukrainian family that moved into what was formerly my apartment in mid August, there wasn't much time to pause and reflect.
I barely had enough time to move myself from the studio space I had created in the barn into the suite I rent out to summer and fall guests before I had to board the plane and get down to the business of bringing the team together to prepare for the training. While I was in California, my dear friend, long term tenant and my part time property manager moved out of the space she had occupied for over three years.
When I got home, I spent the first two days recovering in my suite. The training is intense and the logistics of supporting a world class training event are never ending. Yes, the days are long, but the opportunity to spend time with such amazing people over dinner or a glass of wine or a walk on the beach once the training day ends simply cannot be overlooked. Add that to adjusting back to East Coast time and facing the colder temperatures that reminded me that winter was coming, the gardens that needed some attention and a huge pile of unopened mail and I had all I could do but fall into bed, drink coffee, snuggle cats and relax and reconnect with my space, my home and my life.
I woke up yesterday with a to do list a mile long and, at last, the energy to do it. There was nothing on my list about rearranging my new suite, however a sense of urgency overtook me. Before I knew it, I was moving furniture, rearranging the space and adding a plant here, a diffuser there, placing my favorite rose quartz crystal on the corner of the small desk i dragged in from the barn. The Vision coffee cup that a colleague gave me a long time ago and now served as a pen holder took it's spot on the desk next to the rose quartz. In a matter of an hour, I had turned a very beautiful and functional VRBO guest suite into a much more comfortable, energetic space that grounds me, makes my heart beat happy and inspires my creative soul.
This morning, after fully enjoying a cup of coffee with a cat purring in my lap while the rain poured down outside the sliding glass window of my suite, I felt moved to wander into the main house and do a walk about. The house was so quiet. All my traveling nurses were at work and my Ukrainian family were till sleeping. Su, who would normally be having coffee in the kitchen, had moved out. I wandered through the house. It is such a peaceful space ... magical, even. As I moved from room to room I reflected on what I have created here.
The journey has not been easy. My original vision for this property has not been realized. In the middle of the process, I was dealing with the loss of my Mom, then my younger brother died from a brain tumor and the day after Kevin died, my Dad had a cardiac event that launched me into an intense caregiving experience while still dealing with some intense grief around the loss of my Mom and my brother. Covid came next, making it impossible to execute my plan for the retreat center I had mapped out.
As I moved through the house, I found myself reliving the memories of those times, and in an instant, the feeling of pure joy took over and I got goosebumps. If the walls could talk, there would be stories to tell, so many stories ... but now the feeling of joy along with the goosebumps were a clear sign that it's time to move on!
I could literally feel energy moving through my body as I walked up the stairs and into Su's room. It was strange to open the door and see the empty space. I could feel the energy flowing through the room in a whole new way. All of a sudden, I saw a vision of the room with some fresh paint, a different carpet and the space set up to inspire the next person who stays there.
As I wandered down the hallway, I sensed the feeling of endings and new beginnings. In an instant, I knew what's next. I would like to create a heart centered living community. I envision a group of people living and gathering here in this magical space that I feel compelled to continue to create. I see us gathered in community and in service to a much larger vision of expanding love and joy. A sense of peace washed over me.
I went back to my suite and google "heart centered living center". Much to my surprise, I found a PDF titled Heart Centered Living Definition. I got goosebumps as I download it. I always pay attention to goosebumps! The PDF is actually a 277 page book written by a channeler; that is, one who communicates with spirit. I haven't been able to stop reading it. It is profound. It describes exactly how I've been feeling for awhile now, but haven't been able to put into words. I haven't been attached to much of anything and I'm not feeling compelled to do much of anything lately. Instead, I've been inspired to simply to allow myself to be still and pay attention to what happens when I allow myself to just be.
In the training room, Jack guides participants and his team to find and/or refine passion and purpose and then design a life, make a plan, set goals and take action around it. Back in 2010, for me that involved making lists and phone calls and scheduling meetings and doing lots of things.
For me, right now, it's simply about being present in each moment and allowing myself to feel whatever is flowing through me in the moment. Perhaps it simply gratitude for the beauty that surrounds me or simply witnessing my breath flowing in and out. Sometimes it is experiencing pure emotion; the sadness I have for that friend I know longer feel connected to, the joy I feel as my cat settles into my lap and turns on the purring. This morning it was the sound of the rain pouring outside my window and I curl up to read over coffee, the inspiration I got to get up and walk around my house and pay attention to what is happening in my body. And most of all, the gratitude I feel for the people I can reach out to and connect with about things that some might never understand, in a world that sometimes appears to have lost its way.
And then I remember what I heard Jack say last week, and so many other times over the past 12 years.
"What if it's all perfect just the way it is?"
And by now, after all the time I've spent training with him, I now know that it always is perfect just the way it is to serve my learning and growing. I simply need to look for the growth opportunity.
Which leads to the next question ...
What opportunity is there in this for me to learn and grow?
This morning I got some powerful insight into my next steps. Then I got the book that has given me some context around which to develop the next steps in my plan. Yesterday I created the space where I will be able to explore this further. Stay tuned. If you're moved to reach out and hear more about my vision for a heart centered living center, feel free to contact me here.
Now, where did I put that to do list? But wait, the rain has stopped, the sun is shining and this might just be one of the last warm and balmy days before the snow flies ...