On February 24, 2024, I celebrated my sixty-fifth birthday in quiet reflection, marking the beginning of what I consider the final act of my life—a period dedicated to creating a lasting legacy. The lead-up to this milestone was not characterized by celebration but rather by introspection, making a couple of major decisions, in the midst of a powerful process of letting go of a dream I once had and some people, places and things that no longer serve me. It was a year for acknowledging that I have integrated the myriad lessons life has taught me and recognizing that as long as I am still breathing, I am still learning and growing. And as long as I am still learning and growing, I have something to offer the world.
For the majority of my life, age was merely a number, obscured by the vibrancy of daily experiences and the satisfaction derived from my passion for working with young people. This work kept me youthful, not just at heart but in spirit, thought, and occasionally, even in defiance or rebellion. However, at sixty-five, I have discovered a serene confidence within myself—a result of overcoming challenges, achieving some success and learning from each experience. My boundaries are now firm, my self-awareness is sharp, and my intentions and aspirations are clear.
This past Christmas, my niece pointed out that I am now the matriarch of the family. Initially, the comment took me aback. I felt something rise up in my body that I knew warranted exploration. What does the word 'matriarch' really mean? The term brought to mind my grandmothers, Alice Day and Alice Jacobson, each of whom embodied the role in unique ways.
Nana Day was the silent observer, harboring unspoken secrets. I often wondered what she might share if she were open to sharing her story She never shared—nor did I inquire. She simply sat in the corner of the dinner table or on a chair in the corner of the room at family gatherings, quiet, safe, and content as the reigning matriarch of my mother's side of the family. Over the years, my mother revealed snippets of the secrets Nana Day held, but never enough to break the chains or the cycle of growing up in an alcoholic family. That was a journey I had to take myself when it showed up in my marriage.
Nana Jacobson presented a contrasting example of matriarchy. She was strong, stoic, proper, and somewhat controlling, with a clear sense of right and wrong and strict expectations for her grandchildren's behavior. My grandfather, Papa, was usually the one talking during our visits. Nana Jacobson's silence was different from Nana Day's. I recall a significant change in her demeanor after they moved into a senior independent living high-rise in Salem, MA. While Papa was facing health challenges, Nana seemed to discover parts of herself she had never known. My stoic Nana radiated pure joy during one visit as she showed me the leotard, tights, and leg warmers she had purchased for her new exercise class. She was buzzing with excitement another time as she showed me her new art supplies and proudly showed me the first painting she created in her new art class. Like Nana Day, she had secrets that remained unspoken, yet she found a way to experience great joy in her later years.
Their lives, characterized by untold stories and personal struggles, laid the foundation for my understanding of familial roles, the dynamic alcoholism created, and the importance of breaking the cycles of silence. I married my high school sweetheart at twenty-nine and learned firsthand about addiction, recovery, and their effects on relationships and families. This ignited a spark within me and fueled my personal growth journey, something which I am passionate about to this day.
My journey has also been shaped by revelations from my father, who, in his late eighties and with all his filters gone, began to unveil previously concealed family secrets. These disclosures, combined with my professional training, my curiosity, my knack for asking good questions and my ability to navigate difficult conversations, have deepened my understanding of my family's history, my role within it, and the significance of uncovering family secrets.
Today, I stand as a new type of matriarch—one who has let go of the tradition of silence for the power of storytelling and truth. I embrace my past, with all its complexities. I own my story and am fully aware of its potential to affect others. My commitment to living my truth and taking 100% responsibility for my thoughts, words, actions, and experiences extends well beyond my own personal development to having an impact on those around me.
As I enter my sixty-fifth year, I shift my focus to creating a legacy through my writing, transformational courses, books, and retreats. My goal is not merely to leave a mark but to empower others to discover their paths, break free from their chains, end destructive cycles and embrace their truth. This stage of my life is dedicated to making a tangible impact, guided by the wisdom and experiences I've accumulated over the years.
In embracing my role as a matriarch, I aim to inspire others to contemplate their legacies, to consider the impact of their actions, and to pursue lives of purpose and transformation. The journey of aging, with its stages and transitions, presents a unique opportunity to craft a legacy that embodies our deepest values and aspirations. As I write my memoir and share my reflections, I invite you to join me on this journey to our true selves.
My final act, my legacy phase of life is not merely a continuation of my journey but an invitation to all who wish to delve into the depths of their own stories, to find strength in their challenges, to feel the essence of freedom in their lives and to embrace the beauty of becoming who they are meant to be.
For the majority of my life, age was merely a number, obscured by the vibrancy of daily experiences and the satisfaction derived from my passion for working with young people. This work kept me youthful, not just at heart but in spirit, thought, and occasionally, even in defiance or rebellion. However, at sixty-five, I have discovered a serene confidence within myself—a result of overcoming challenges, achieving some success and learning from each experience. My boundaries are now firm, my self-awareness is sharp, and my intentions and aspirations are clear.
This past Christmas, my niece pointed out that I am now the matriarch of the family. Initially, the comment took me aback. I felt something rise up in my body that I knew warranted exploration. What does the word 'matriarch' really mean? The term brought to mind my grandmothers, Alice Day and Alice Jacobson, each of whom embodied the role in unique ways.
Nana Day was the silent observer, harboring unspoken secrets. I often wondered what she might share if she were open to sharing her story She never shared—nor did I inquire. She simply sat in the corner of the dinner table or on a chair in the corner of the room at family gatherings, quiet, safe, and content as the reigning matriarch of my mother's side of the family. Over the years, my mother revealed snippets of the secrets Nana Day held, but never enough to break the chains or the cycle of growing up in an alcoholic family. That was a journey I had to take myself when it showed up in my marriage.
Nana Jacobson presented a contrasting example of matriarchy. She was strong, stoic, proper, and somewhat controlling, with a clear sense of right and wrong and strict expectations for her grandchildren's behavior. My grandfather, Papa, was usually the one talking during our visits. Nana Jacobson's silence was different from Nana Day's. I recall a significant change in her demeanor after they moved into a senior independent living high-rise in Salem, MA. While Papa was facing health challenges, Nana seemed to discover parts of herself she had never known. My stoic Nana radiated pure joy during one visit as she showed me the leotard, tights, and leg warmers she had purchased for her new exercise class. She was buzzing with excitement another time as she showed me her new art supplies and proudly showed me the first painting she created in her new art class. Like Nana Day, she had secrets that remained unspoken, yet she found a way to experience great joy in her later years.
Their lives, characterized by untold stories and personal struggles, laid the foundation for my understanding of familial roles, the dynamic alcoholism created, and the importance of breaking the cycles of silence. I married my high school sweetheart at twenty-nine and learned firsthand about addiction, recovery, and their effects on relationships and families. This ignited a spark within me and fueled my personal growth journey, something which I am passionate about to this day.
My journey has also been shaped by revelations from my father, who, in his late eighties and with all his filters gone, began to unveil previously concealed family secrets. These disclosures, combined with my professional training, my curiosity, my knack for asking good questions and my ability to navigate difficult conversations, have deepened my understanding of my family's history, my role within it, and the significance of uncovering family secrets.
Today, I stand as a new type of matriarch—one who has let go of the tradition of silence for the power of storytelling and truth. I embrace my past, with all its complexities. I own my story and am fully aware of its potential to affect others. My commitment to living my truth and taking 100% responsibility for my thoughts, words, actions, and experiences extends well beyond my own personal development to having an impact on those around me.
As I enter my sixty-fifth year, I shift my focus to creating a legacy through my writing, transformational courses, books, and retreats. My goal is not merely to leave a mark but to empower others to discover their paths, break free from their chains, end destructive cycles and embrace their truth. This stage of my life is dedicated to making a tangible impact, guided by the wisdom and experiences I've accumulated over the years.
In embracing my role as a matriarch, I aim to inspire others to contemplate their legacies, to consider the impact of their actions, and to pursue lives of purpose and transformation. The journey of aging, with its stages and transitions, presents a unique opportunity to craft a legacy that embodies our deepest values and aspirations. As I write my memoir and share my reflections, I invite you to join me on this journey to our true selves.
My final act, my legacy phase of life is not merely a continuation of my journey but an invitation to all who wish to delve into the depths of their own stories, to find strength in their challenges, to feel the essence of freedom in their lives and to embrace the beauty of becoming who they are meant to be.
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